


the world is spinning

by myrosebudboy



Category: Carry On - Fandom, Rainbow Rowell - Fandom, Simon Snow series - Gemma T. Leslie, Snowbaz - Fandom
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-02-06
Updated: 2016-02-06
Packaged: 2018-05-18 13:34:27
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 741
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5930308
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/myrosebudboy/pseuds/myrosebudboy
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>"when you cried"</p>
            </blockquote>





	the world is spinning

**Author's Note:**

> A/N: the dialogue and general plot in part v does not belong to me. all credits go to rainbow rowell!

_i. my vision blurs and everything melts into a kaleidoscope of colours_

Your shoulders are heaving and I want to reach out to touch you, to wrap my arms around you and rest my chin on top of your head and hold you forever, and murmur comforting things into your ears until you stop shaking and the storm quiets -

But I cannot, so instead I lie on my side in the darkness, moonlight slanting across my legs and curtains fluttering in the night air like ghosts in the night, face hidden in shadow. And I listen to you sobbing softly but freely because you think I am asleep. (Although, who could fall asleep next to you?)

You cry yourself to sleep but when the sun comes up and you wake for breakfast, your eyes still puffy and tired, I do not ask, because you would not want me to care.

_ii. lava spills down my cheeks and i cannot catch my breath_

You’re crying again, and you try to muffle your cries in your pillow, because it’s been long enough that you know that I am not asleep. But I hear you, anyway, and I am weighed down on my bed like a statue, motionless, every part of me aching but unable to move.

Your sobs fade as the stars slowly appear in the sky, but do not think that I do not know that neither of us slept that night.

What irony is it, that after a week and a half without rain, the downpour I wish for comes to me in the form of salt and heartbreak and seams coming undone in terrible silence?

_iii. i am sinking and drowning and i am going, going, going, once, twice, three times-_

A scent of smoke lingers in the air and you are standing stock-still, your sword in your hand, staring at nothing. The grounds are dark and the trees are dark and the stars are glaring down at us, and there is no sign that anything has happened at all except for both of us, frozen like flesh turned to stone under the unforgiving moonlight.

Tears make their way down your face, carving their path through the grime-streaked face, but you do not move. We do not move, even as the castle blazes to life and the shouting starts.

You do not make any sound, and I cannot decide what stings more, this silent suffocation or desperate breaths trying to glue yourself back together even as you fall apart.

_iv. there is nothing worse than keeping an earthquake within yourself_

This time, you do not even care, and you lie curled up under the covers, crying as freely as you did all those years ago, even though I am there. And I can hear you crying, crying like the world has broken apart and you cannot find yourself in the black hole it has become.

You cry until your tears stain your pillows and I am torn between squeezing my eyes shut and looking at you, because I can never tear my eyes away from you, even though every moment spent looking at you is like being punched in the gut.

Later, you drift off to sleep, and I wish I can say that I am used to your tears, but even after all these years, I feel like I have been wrenched apart from the inside.

_v. and the world is spinning._

I close my eyes and I feel your hurt like a dagger through my heart, a sharp burning pain coursing through me, and I whisper, “You did it, didn’t you? You defeated the Humdrum. You saved the day, you courageous fuck. You absolute nightmare.”

“I gave him my magic, Baz. It’s all gone.”

“Who needs magic,” I say. I’m rambling, because I cannot bear to look at your crumpled face, or hear your shaking voice. “Think about it, Simon. Super strength. X-ray vision.”

“You don’t have X-ray vision.”

Your voice is trembling, and my heart is breaking.

“I killed him.”

Your shoulders are heaving and I want to reach out to touch you, to wrap my arms around you and rest my chin on top of your head and hold you forever, so I do.

“It’s going to be okay. It’s going to be all right, love.”

Your face is buried in my shoulder and I’m holding you like you’re the only thing left in the world.


End file.
